Wednesday Night

I arrived in Penticton today with less than a week remaining between me and Ironman. It's been a long journey to get here and only a little bit further to go.

Strolling around town can be a little overwhelming. Athletes are running, biking or swimming just about anywhere you look. If you manage to ignore all the people, it's hard to miss the Ironman shwag plastered across every billboard, store wall and any other available surface. "Welcome athletes", etc., etc. This town certainly gets behind the sport.

I just feel small. I forget that I'm one of those athletes that they're welcoming with open arms. Well, it's only my first night here. I'm sure I'll feel a little more comfortable once I have a workout tomorrow.


We would never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world.

~Hellen Keller

I guess that's why they call it the blues

Wait... I thought you didn't get depressed until AFTER the race. What's with this head start?

I've felt a general sense of anxiousness building over the last few days but it took me a while to see the pattern. These aren't random occurrences. It's a steadily building sensation of excitement, fear, exhaustion, anticipation and dread. What if I'm not ready? My knees, my back and the constant threat of illness have made the season very difficult.

I don't want to be left behind. I've worked too hard to get here.

I stand up to put my ice-cream bowl in the sink (comfort food is king today) and my back screams at me. I refuel with cottage cheese and grapes and sit back down. If I was a car, I'd be a quarter tank below empty.

Somewhere in this process of wallowing in self-doubt, it all becomes very amusing. I guess my blood sugar is coming up.

I need to remember that for race day.


I’m looking for an interruption,
Do you believe?
You looking to dig my dreams
Be prepared for anything
You come into my little scene
Hooray, hooray, hip hip hooray
There’s one thing I can guarantee:
You won’t have to dig, dig too deep
Said leave me to lay, but touch me deep,
I don’t sleep, I dream
I’ll settle for a cup of coffee, but you know what I really need

~ R.E.M.

Who made who

Training

def: To prepare physically

I don't know that I'm sick of it so much as just plain exhausted. I love the exercise. I love getting out and discovering new capabilities within myself. But today I can't get off the couch, so I'm writing instead of running.

[... ok, that didn't last. I soon as I said I can't ... something inside me kicked into gear and asked but what if you did? and before I could argue, my running shoes were on and I was out the door. 10k later, I'm finishing this blog entry.]

Yesterday I drove out to meet some friends at Thetis for our long ride - only to discover I'd left my front wheel at home. I zipped home to get it but missed the gang as they passed by the spot I was supposed to wait at. As such, I rode alone. I used to always train in groups because I didn't think I had the discipline to train by myself. Exercise has become so much of a habit, that I now head out whether or not I'm with anyone.

The funny thing about all this is that I think I'm training my body for Ironman. As of late, I begin to wonder if it's my body that runs the show because even when I can rationalize away why I can't work out today, I still find myself out there as if my mind had no say in the matter.

So who's training who? I guess it doesn't matter.

I believe that what you sing to the clouds
will rain upon you when your sun, has gone away
And I believe, that what you dream to the moon
Will manifest, before you rest, another day
So stay strong, and sleep long when you need to
let the mornin' take you right on through the day
And when you find you're at the end of the road
just lift your head up
Spread your wings and fly away

~ Michael Franti