Monday, August 13, 2007

I guess that's why they call it the blues

Wait... I thought you didn't get depressed until AFTER the race. What's with this head start?

I've felt a general sense of anxiousness building over the last few days but it took me a while to see the pattern. These aren't random occurrences. It's a steadily building sensation of excitement, fear, exhaustion, anticipation and dread. What if I'm not ready? My knees, my back and the constant threat of illness have made the season very difficult.

I don't want to be left behind. I've worked too hard to get here.

I stand up to put my ice-cream bowl in the sink (comfort food is king today) and my back screams at me. I refuel with cottage cheese and grapes and sit back down. If I was a car, I'd be a quarter tank below empty.

Somewhere in this process of wallowing in self-doubt, it all becomes very amusing. I guess my blood sugar is coming up.

I need to remember that for race day.

I’m looking for an interruption,
Do you believe?
You looking to dig my dreams
Be prepared for anything
You come into my little scene
Hooray, hooray, hip hip hooray
There’s one thing I can guarantee:
You won’t have to dig, dig too deep
Said leave me to lay, but touch me deep,
I don’t sleep, I dream
I’ll settle for a cup of coffee, but you know what I really need

~ R.E.M.


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